If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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