you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
