why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
