So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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