You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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