I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
