Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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