Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We named our party play list daddy issues
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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