I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
