We're facebook friends in real life
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
