just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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