And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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