mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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