he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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