Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
