please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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