So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
