I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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