I want to walk on stilts...naked
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
