So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
