Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
