Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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