i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
