Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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