At least make sure they are 18
Why
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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