Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
