he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
