i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
