He kissed a someone with a penis
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
