I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
