I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
