There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
