she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
