I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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