Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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