The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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