So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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