is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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