I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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