even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
