i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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