If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
