i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
