I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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