So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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