I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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