he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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