So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
