I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
