you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
