i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's rum buckets o'clock
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
