when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
